There is freedom in no knowing.

in

There are questions we all have, they are big, really big, bigger than us, but are afraid to ask them. We put on a facade we hope emanates enough confidence in the certainty of our answers, that no one will see through to our doubt. But why do we hide our questions? why do we feel the need to look as if we know it all or have it all together? I don't, and I'm willing to wager...NO one does.

I think we don't ask the questions and face the doubts either because, we are scared of the answer or scared of what we'll look like if we are seen not HAVING the answer.

I, you, me, we are broken people who don't know everything and never will. Let your brokenness be known and be willing to admit to yourself and the world, that-You are broken and you don't have it all figured out. There is a freedom in the understanding you don't have it all together but you know the one who does.

When we we do this, it will change the way we look at, ourselves, others, and the one who created us-who, is ALWAYS putting us back together.

I Need A Love Letter.

in

We all want, desire, need, to be written a love letter, from someone. This was the one written to you by the person who designed you and loves you more than anyone ever will.

Please visit this website and share it with anyone you know who needs to hear this love letter.

--

Dear Everyone,

Blessed are the ones who realize that they have nothing to offer. The ones who are at the end or their rope-they are the queens and kings of the place we are going.

Blessed are the ones who have had terrible, awful, life ripping things happen to them. Things that hurt, so, so, badly it feels like the pain just won’t end. Things that on their own, they can’t heal-they are the ones that will rule this world that seems rule them. They will rule this world that seems to never hold the punches.

Blessed are the ones who are never satisfied with just okay. The ones who haven't given up. The ones who, when they fall down, they get up again and try one more time. Because they believe good is worth fighting for. They will be the ones who taste the sweet taste of satisfaction.

Blessed are the ones who have the chance, even the right to carry out revenge on someone who has hurt them-And don't, and instead show love. They are the ones who, when it is their turn to be paid back, will receive mercy and love instead of angry justice.

Blessed are the ones that no matter how many scars or dirty things they have done or had happen to them, choose to live in light and purity. the people who long to be clean and holy. They my friends will be the ones who feel and see God with their own eyes.

Blessed are the ones who stand up for what they know is right. They will get made fun of, beat up, rejected, hurt and left. The ones who do the right thing even if it means being alone. Because when they do that what is right, God sees and is going to put them on top for their willingness to be on the bottom of the stack. They will rule for choosing to be an outcast for standing up for what right.

Blessed are YOU when people all around you, your friends, family, coworkers, and strangers make fun of you, tell rumors, even make up terrible things about you because you follow me. I am telling you, Be happy when this happens, because I have an amazing consolation prize for you when you take that for me. Just like the heroes before you who gave an amazing picture of what it looks like to live for me. It's worth it I promise, I promise, I promise, I promise.

I love you SO, SO much

Love,

-Jesus

--

Please go to this website and pass on to those you know need to hear these words.

Thank Someone

in

It was Christmas eve and I was eleven years old. Around the house were smells and sounds of years of Clarkson traditions coming to life. But there was only one thing on my mind…All the loot and awesome stuff I would be getting the next day.

I sat on the couch just imagining all the cool things most eleven year old boys dream of getting on Christmas. But as I stared at the tree just picturing all the amazing things that would be under it in just a few short hours, another thought crossed my mind. It was of how beautiful the room was I where I was sitting and  how well placed and thoughtfully all the decorations were placed.

I heard mom in the other room frantically putting together our Christmas eve dinner, trying to let the carols on the CD player to distract us from the fact there were about one million things left to do. From wrapping gifts, to cleaning for family coming over, to making sure everyone one of us kids was feeling cared for in a thoughtful way–after all, it was Christmas Eve.

Also, worth mentioning, she had a husband who would be home from a long day at work who would be hungry.  It was then something suddenly clicked. I got up off my seat, temporarily packed my mental list of loot away,  and I ran to the nearest sibling with a driver’s license, and demanded a ride to the store.

In the spirit of the holidays I was given a ride. Upon my return, bag of treasures in hand, I found my mother still in a tizzy over everything that still needed to be done. I can only imagine her feeling as I walked in and said, “Mom can you come with me for a second I need to show you something.”

She paused briefly before getting back to never-ending list of things to do while saying, “Can we wait until later Nathan? I am very busy right now.” But I insisted, “Please mom it will only take a minute” She put down a roll of wrapping paper and with a deep breath and long sigh,  agreed to follow me.

My eleven year old hand grabbed hers and led her into her room and sat her down on the couch in her bedroom,  where I proceeded to pull my surprise from a Safeway bag. It was a one long stem red rose.

I handed it to her, and she took it with a question in her eyes.

I said, “Mom, I just wanted you to know that before you give any gifts to me or anyone, I love you. Before I get anything I want you to know I love you not because you give me stuff but because you my mom.”

Thank someone close to you today for something specific, not because they deserve it or because you feel like it. But I promise a simple acknowledgement of something can change your world and someone elses.

Merry Christmas!

-Nathan J Clarkson

See my post at The Mob Society

John 13:34-35

New International Version (NIV)

   “A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.  By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”

Broken Hallelujahs. He doesn't want pretty.

in

One of my favorite songs has this line

"I've seen your flag on the marble arch Love is not a victory march It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"

That is a beautiful picture of what worship is, what a hallelujah really sounds like. I think I have fallen into a rut over and over again, where I begin to worry I don't "feel" like worshiping, or I don't think I am good enough to worship a perfect god. I'm too dirty, or, I am not feeling the spiritual emotions flowing through me. But, as I begin to look at what God asks, when he asks to be worshiped. It's not in some Sunday morning service by perfect people, It's not by the person on stage telling you to "Press in a little more." then, God's presence will finally be with you.

It's by broken and dirty people. The psalms were written by an adulterer and murder. On a cross Jesus takes a dirty bloody criminal to paradise with him.

Worship is not this thing we can just cut off and compartmentalize into a half an hour, once a week. living only in another clichéd song. Music is wonderful, but it has hijacked the term "Worship". Worship is an every day, every second decision, to live consciously the way we were meant to. We get lost in a picture we see in our heads, that we form with phrases like "We meet you here at this place of worship" or "I fall to my knees to worship you". When, God calls us to worship him, it involves getting off your knees more often than not and it is not confined to one place, or state of mind but rather, it is everywhere we should be making our place of worship.

We have turned worship into a group participation project in a youth group or church service, when, worship is what we should be doing every second of the day. I rarely feel spiritual and sometimes (don't gasp) I don't feel near to God at all. But that's when I can really let worship happen-When I don't think terrible things about the person who just cut me off on the 101, when a mother decides to give grace to her sinful children, when a man apologizes for yelling at his wife, when an addict cries out to God after a relapse, when you are alone in your room and you feel like you can't even talk to a so-called loving god but you say "Not my will but yours". That's worship.

I hope you can get something out of my random thoughts. So I challenge you not to wait until the music starts at your next service to worship. But, start now, as you are working, or being with friends, driving, talking, and just living. Worship wherever you are however you can. It might be hard and it probably wont be pretty, but he doesn't want pretty. He wants your hallelujah, no matter how broken it is.

Missed Words, Sharp Keys And Dancing Until Your Clothes Fall Off.

in

What do these three stories have in common?

Story #1

I was on my own in a big city, work had sent me here. The streets were empty and covered in rain. The weather had kept most of the usual Friday night street walkers at home. But not me. I was in a new place that begged to be explored. But street after street the city was empty. Only street signs lit my wondering path, to, what seemed a boring night alone- until. I turned down a street and saw one lone light from a building it was bright and there was life emanating from inside its walls. I heard laughter and voices as I drew closer. I walked inside. It was stuffed to the brim with people that had braved the dim weather for a chance to experience life with each other. It was a slam poetry bar. As I made a path through the huddles of young faces and smell of fair trade tea. I found my place in the back as the first performer took their place on the makeshift stage. They began their piece. Out came words that were dear to the writers heart. They were passionate and real to the artist. In their eyes was feeling. Here and there the poet would get caught on a word, or stumble over a phrase. But unfazed, they continued. And suddenly the end. The crowd erupted with cheers. No one remembered the forgotten words or the imperfect delivery. Only the passion and truth the writer/performer had conveyed in something they so believed in.

Story #2

I was 14 (or so) and being forced against my will to go to a siblings piano recital. I sat there not amused as the performers one by one walked boringly out to the instrument, opened an book of songs and played one of the ones I had heard two or three hundred times too many. The thing is they weren’t bad, much better than me in fact, some even hit every right key. But there just seemed to be something missing. Something that, I guess was lost, a spark, that just wasn’t igniting . But in the midst of the mind numbing performances, I remember something happened. Someone came out and as he sat down, I knew we were in for something different. He was a young man, wearing the required collared shirt and combed hair. But in the back his shirt was not tucked and though it looked as if he tried, His hair seemed not to corporate with the other hair-sprayed dues styled by the starchy students. He brought no sheet music with him, and has he sat down to play, he closed his eyes. He began. His fingers moved across the piano with passion and feeling. The sounds from the instrument moved all in the room. It was not a perfect piece, in fact, multiple times his fingers missed the right key, hitting either sharp or flat note. But, it was real and something that every eye and heart in the room responded to. He finished and opened his eyes. What a difference from the perfect but feeling drained performances we had to endure. While he made considerably more mistakes than the other performers he made considerably more beauty than anyone of them.

Story #3

There was a man named David, he loved God with all his might- And during a celebration, he began to dance, he moved fiercely and violently, he danced with all his might, he tripped over his own feet, but kept on dancing. He was dancing because he loved his God, and there seemed to be no other way to get out this passion for his loving God than to dance. He made missteps while the people next to him made perfect rehearsed moves. But all eyes were on David. No one could look away from the display of loving passion for his God. He danced long, and with love, he danced so hard his clothes fell off. God blessed him.

Do you get the picture. Do you see what God wants from us. God doesn’t want a life of perfectly planned out steps and meticulously rehearsed moves. But rather a life lived in reckless abandon to him. You might miss a word here or there, or hit a flat or sharp key, or maybe you’ll even dance so hard your clothes will fall off. But until you dance with all your might and forget about perfection you will never feel the passion God wants you to live with. God doesn't want perfection that’s why he died. He just want us.

Simply Divine

in

I don’t know about you but, I have a tendency to as I begin to think speak or write, try to say very deep things. This is a problem, especially since as I begin writing this I suddenly have the need to say something very deep about the fact that I have a need to say something very deep. Confused? Well it gets worse...

Sometimes, after a hard day, or a particularly difficult happening, I’ll sit down ready to spend sometime with Jesus (yes, we’re friends) and as I begin to talk to him and try to listen to what He might have to say, I begin to almost physically feel the factory in my mind begin turning and trying to make deep thoughts. I start putting together my own personal epiphany, shutting out anything God might want to give me and only excepting something I deem life changing or what I think I need.

I remember it was a cold April morning as I got up to be at a 7:00 am prayer group for men before work. On one side of my mind I was thinking about the absurdity of people being awake for anything at 7:00 much less 6:58-and on the other side of my mind I was patting my self on the back for being a “good christian” or who are we kidding it was 7:00 in the morning before work, I was an AWESOME christian (or at least that’s what I thought).

I had a particularly hard go of it lately, it was time mixed with the stress of finding a job, needing money, rejection in auditions, searching for friends and community, and the loneliness that accompanies being (what I felt like was) on my own. I had become hard for even the ones who loved me to be around. To be honest I had started to forget who I was, and I had begun to doubt God’s goodness. I still felt the desire to become great but simply had no energy to continue trying, I hit the point where I wondered if it mattered that I ever tried.

So as I walked in to the small concert venue in North Hollywood that I had recently begun to call my church. I was expecting a lot from God today, I felt God owed me some amazing gesture. And maybe He did. But as the meeting began, nothing was coming. There was no flash of light or grandiose vision of god-sent information. Just the muffled sounds of men praying silently to them selves. Finally someone began speaking a little louder as to pray for the whole group. “Oh good” I thought, finally, revelation time. The man speaking didn’t disappoint, as far as what I thought would be good hearing important messages from God dialogue. And as I shut my eyes a little tighter and he really got into it- letting some "pierce our hearts"  and "we beseech you god"'s, fly left and right. He  spoke with charisma and volume, using the most popular words and phrases used nowadays to appease and coarse God into doing things for us. I was ready, surly this would be the time God would meet me, surely he would hear me nodding my head to the extremely spiritual things being said. But as I stood there trying my best to get caught up in the emotion of the gaudy display. Nothing...I tried and tried, ready to hear a deep and insightful message from god, but nothing.

After the prayer had finished the rest of us were a little wary of stepping up to the proverbial mic. I mean who want to follow an act like that. But I to be completely honest was a little peeved, I was put off by the lack of revelation from God-And as I started to silently give God a piece of my mind on how he should have shown up. I was in the middle of my mental monologue to the almighty when I heard another voice gently but confidently emerge from the room, one of the other men had begun to pray aloud and he said this “God, hug us today, we need you to hug us”. He said a few other things and then ended his prayer. I was hit, I felt as if a God gun had gone off in my face. God wanted to hug me, this maker of the universe and god of the world can and wants to hug me, to show me love. He wants to wrap the arms that hold the world, around me. He wants me to feel him, and have me know he holds me, that he sees everything I’m going through, and feels my hurt and just wants to hold and comfort me. There it was.

There I was walking around being spiritual, and waiting for God to show me some amazing, deep, insightful, message from heaven. And the whole time while I was waiting for what I thought I needed, He wanted to hug me.

I have nothing against grandiose gestures and deep theology, but so often I forget the simplest things that God so desperately wants me to know. Jesus told us to come to him as a child, and to often I expect adult truths and answers to my questions, when all I really need is a fathers embrace. A hug.

I think we all every now and again ignore some of the simple truths our loving father wants us to know, so here is a list of a few of them. Just to remind you of something things you might have forgotten. If you have any extras you would like to share please do.

God Loves you, specifically you. God created you, with a design and purpose. You are created beautifully. You will never be good enough to earn His love, He just loves you. We will never be perfect, and we will never understand everything. God cares when you hurt.

These are not deep. But they are true and they are exactly what we all need to know and to hear.

Dear Me, Who will I be?

in

Have you ever written a letter to your self??? ........Just me? Okay well I have and believe it or not, whether you KNOW it or not, I think you have. We have all been guilty of statements like.

"Had I only been a little nicer, I might have had that job"      or      "If I had just worked out I would be able to eat this"     or maybe even      "Wow I'm sure glad I called that person, I saved a lot of money on car insurance by..."     you get the picture.

We are all constantly writing letters to our past selves about things we should have done or known, or maybe things we did right and we write in congratulations. But what if our past could write letters to us now?

What would past Nathan think of present Nathan? Would old me be proud of new me? Or maybe even, would old me be ashamed of new me? It's because of these questions I ended up here, sitting at my desk wondering how I got here. Not to my desk, that being a short and stumbly walk from my living room over roommates to my computer. But rather here in life. I think back to all the winding paths that led me specifically here.

It's an interesting pastime remembering all of those seemingly random events that winded up being the biggest turning points in my life-all the relationships I thought meant nothing but came back in the oddest of ways to be of the up most importance. And as I sit here contemplating all of this past. It suddenly makes me think of where I am right now. What am I doing right now that will affect my future?

I am  dreamer and always have my head in the clouds looking and thinking of what is next in life...BUT for some reason I, ALWAYS forget to remember that right now is the actually building of what I will become.

I think the bible says it best in Galatians 6:7-9

New International Version (NIV)

 7 Do not be deceived: God cannot be mocked. A man reaps what he sows. 8 Whoever sows to please their flesh, from the flesh will reap destruction; whoever sows to please the Spirit, from the Spirit will reap eternal life. 9 Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up."

What? The things I do now are the ones that are going to come back to me? Good or bad? Yes.

So I challenge you as I challenge myself, to both realize that the things you are practicing now, are the things you will become-and to share that with whoever listens to you-If you are a friend help some one close to you see that by showing them examples in your own life. If you are a mother remind your children every day (Just like mine) that the things they practise now will make the man they will become.

Off to practise good things! (Or at least do my best)

My future self awaits, I can't wait to meet.

What am I? I am a boy becoming a man.

in

I am different, sometimes crazy, I am more volatile than most, I am a little louder at some points and much quieter than anyone at other times, I feel things strongly, I don’t idle well, I dance and sing VERY loudly.

Sometimes people would tell my parents, it was because of these letters:

OCD-I do crazy things for no apparent reason, and become VERY frustrated when the things I deem important are out of whack. ADHD- I never, I mean NEVER sit still, I am always moving, tapping,  squirming, fidgeting. ADD- In the middle of talking to you, I will every now and again, zone out and my eyes will drift to the corner of the room, and my mind will temporally change channels. ODD- I will fight about things I don’t even care about and sometimes I will talk back and if I feel strongly, I will  NEVER give up my opinion. and oddly enough, Synesthesia- I hear colors, see music and was very surprised than not everyone did this.

This sounds like a lot of letters that mean one thing: I’m a boy.

But I now know, it is just the way God made me.

From a very young age, my family, and especially my mom,  knew that this boy (me) was different. I was the third child of four, the youngest boy, and the son of popular christian writers. I had a lot to live up to and people were always watching me and had opinions about how “I should be handled.”

So…I was a fighter, but also a lover, but also a fighter.

While most kids would eventually learn to sit still, I simply could not. It is actually a skill that to this day I have not mastered, even as I write this my legs are swaying back and forth beneath my desk and my head is bobbing to the music in my head. As a boy I seemed to always push the limits, I found more pleasure in climbing rocks and rolling in grass then walking on sidewalks. I couldn’t (and still can’t) do much math, but, I could keep a perfect beat to any song. If you asked me to spell (please don’t) “Chrysanthemum” I would instead, draw you a picture of it, complete with story line about how it got there and the hero that had to rescue it from dying!

I was passionate, creative, but I soon became painfully aware that I wasn’t normal. As I grew a little older I remember being yelled at by multiple teachers, in church or a coop class for “Talking to much” and “Resisting to learn.”. I can even now so viscerally feel the deep frustration at my lack of ability to understand schoolwork that seemed so easy to everyone else. I can still feel the sting of hearing one more “SHHHH Nathan, settle down.”

I began trying diligently to fit into a box, just to avoid more frustration and criticism. What I didn’t understand at the time is that God had purposefully made me out of the box. He had made me to be creative and fun, to love people and to perform. He had actually created me to tap my fingers and sing loudly. He had made me to know Him in a completely different way-but just the way He wanted. Another famous out of the box guy once said.

“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” Psalm: 139-14

What? I’m was fearfully and wonderfully made? It was when I realized this truth that I started the journey to understanding I was exactly how God made me! That it was not just a mistake that had to be changed, and molded to fit the standard child.  I wasn’t just some accident, but rather, I was designed this way!

The thing is, we are all going to feel different, like we don’t fit into the boxes of our friends, family, church, schools, pop culture, or the boxes others try to put us in. But that’s because, to be honest, God hasn’t called us to live in any parameters that anyone else has designed. But rather, He wants us to  love and embrace the beautiful design He wanted us to fulfill.

My family, my Mom and my Dad figured this out little by little, and ever since, have supported me and cultivated and encouraged me in the areas where I delight and excel. They also helped me, lovingly and patiently,  with the ones where I struggle, so that I could be the man God had in mind. It was a mysterious process and journey that we walked together by faith, because I know my parents believed I was God’s gift.

So I implore you, if you have a Me, a Nathan, keep reminding yourself and your Nathan, that God has made him just the way He intended, with a specific plan in mind. Remind him that all of the “loud” is not to be quieted, but rather, it is to be used to shout the things God has for us to say.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesian 2:10

The story below is a picture of how God longs to meet with the out of the box, crazy, loud, boisterous me, and when I was 19, He spoke to me clearly and I finally realized what He wanted me to do.

I was faced with a decision when I was 19. Let me explain. I had moved out and was living in the Big City (New York) on my own. I remember it was a cold and rainy night, my family had left to go back to Colorado. There I was, little old (well actually very, very young) me. I had no idea what I was doing and I was all alone. But there, on my first night out on my own, as I was sitting on my Ikea bed in my small apartment bedroom in Harlem (Yes… I know the family wasn’t thrilled, but I was poor), I heard a voice. It was God, He said “Chase me!” and suddenly He ran out the door and into the pouring rain. I yelled after him that I was cold and alone and was kinda tired, but He just kept running.

So there I was, faced with a bigger decision than I could ever imagine, the choice was clear: Chase after God, or do what I felt like. Well I chased God, I chased him right into the pouring rain-where I danced and sang with the Creator of the universe. I chased him through the next year of ups and downs, friends and heart-break, hurts and joys. I chased him right out to Hollywood, California, where today I’m finally able to look back at all the chasing of God and say with complete honesty… It has made all the difference.

I wrote a book about all that God taught me.These are a collection of thoughts and the glimpses of God’s wisdom I had to chase down, and  all compiled into my very first book. I would love for you to become a Wisdom Chaser too. Click to get your very own copy and you will read the story of how God has worked in amazing ways, and how He has taught me the wisdom of living for Him. Thank you so much.

I would love for you to buy and read more of my first book called Wisdom Chasers and give it to a young man, who you hope will become a wisdom chaser.  And, maybe, it will be an encouragement to you, to hold fast to Him, to chase Him wherever He leads, and to find all you were hoping for in life in the chasing of Him.

Whether you are a Nathan or have one, be encouraged.http://www.WisdomChasers.com Off to climb on rocks, roll in grass, sing loudly and chase God.

-Nathan J Clarkson

Who Are You Calling?

in

I drew this picture a while ago, I guess it was kind of a reflection, not of what I necessarily  was. But rather a visual interpretation of what I should be doing.

It's a picture of someone calling out with all they have to another. Reaching to them from a higher place to pull them from their situation.

It's something I believe we all have been called to do-Call. Not just from a stage, pulpit, a TV screen or even a blog! But rather there are people in our lives everyday dying to be called to, looking for a hand to pull them back from the brink.

I know if the people God put in my life to call to me, when I was at the edge, hadn't, I would be a very different person.

So who are you calling to? Who are you reaching for? I promise someone needs you to.

Maybe you're not calling at all, and you need to realize that you are the one who was put in a specific someones life to reach and call out to them.

Or maybe you have been calling to someone for years and they just don't see to hear you, I implore you to keep calling, they will listen in time.

Or maybe you're the one who needs calling out to, the one who needs to be brought back from the brink-If this is you, then please open up your eyes to the people already calling to you, I promise they're there.

So whoever you are-Mother, father, sister, brother, friend, pastor, movie star, or just a person. There is someone in your life who needs you to start or to call  out to them, to reach in to their situation and help them out. Who are you calling?

-Nathan

Wisdom Chasers. How a young man caught a glimpse of God in his youth.

in

I was faced with a decision when I was 19. Let me explain. I had moved out and was living in the Big City (New York) on my own. I remember it was a cold and rainy night, my family had left to go back to Colorado and there I was, little old (well actually very, very young) me. I had no idea what I was doing and I was all alone. But there, on my first night out on my own, as I was sitting on my Ikea bed in my small apartment bedroom in Harlem (Yes... I know the family wasn't thrilled, but I was poor), I heard a voice. It was God, He said "Chase me!" and suddenly He ran out the door and into the pouring rain. I yelled after him that I was cold and alone and was kinda tired, but He just kept running.

So there I was, faced with a bigger decision than I could ever imagine. Chase after God, or do what I feel like. Well I chased God, I chased him right into the pouring rain-where I danced and sang with the Creator of the universe. I chased him through the next year of ups and downs, friends and heart-break, hurts and joys. I chased him right out to Hollywood California, where today I'm finally able to look back at all the chasing of God and say with complete honesty... It has made all the difference.

These are a collection of thoughts and the glimpses of Gods wisdom I had to chase down. All compiled into my very first book. I would love for you to become a Wisdom Chaser too. Click to get your very own copy. Thank you so much.

Off to chase!

-Nathan

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Rocking out

in

Right now I am rocking out. I have my ear phones on at work. I have the music I love turned up to the max-And as the moving sounds of heavy beats and soothing melodies invade my ears, they begin finding their way to my soul, causing a visceral reaction in my body. I am now moving back and fourth, fading in and out of playing air instruments, and something that vaguely resembles break dancing. I am getting subtle looks from my coworkers indicating how crazy I look. But to be honest I don’t care, I am feeling something very strongly and feel the need to be affected by it.

Later, I will get into my car and as I drive home, I will turn my music up as loud as possible. I will let myself become immersed in it-in the words, the melody, the feeling and the emotion of the song. It will take over my inhibitions and I will tap my fingers and hands on the makeshift drum set of my steering wheel. I will play my air guitar using my seat belt as my frets. I will sing as loud as I can while moving left and right to this . As I do this people on my left and right, are either laughing or looking on in confused wonderment. They can’t hear the music I hear, so they can not feel what I am feeling. But what they can see is the effect the music is having on me as a whole, and I wonder if maybe just one or two of the thousands of drivers I am passing wish to hear what I am hearing so maybe they could share in the moment I am so clearly enjoying.

Jesus came and sang us a song; a beautiful, infectious, life changing song. We have the chance to not only hear it but, to let it take hold of us. It’s a song that will change you and heal you. It’s a song that only those who know him will be able to hear. You will look ridiculous as you begin to rock out to the song he sang to us, but as you do people will see how this perfect piece of music effects every area of your lives, many people will think you’re crazy, but some after seeing you rock out to it this song, will want to hear it too.

So let the song He sung to us affect you and every part of your life, so others will see and want to hear the song we get to rock out to...Too.

And if you haven’t heard the song message me, I’ll send you the Mp3.

When all we have is our head in our hands...

in

Do you have those times, when nothing is right and the only place to go is in your hands? Well, the answer is yes, we all do. We all have those times.

Sometimes, we fight God, we wrestle and push against his gentle hands. We think we know best and we find our selves hurting, or alone.

And sometimes, life just decides beat up on us, it kick us while were down, we get betrayed and our dreams fall apart.

But the light in all of this, is, God is there, ready to catch us. Not because of anything we can do to earn it, or because we are good enough to receive it. But simply because He can and He loves us.

So below is a song I wrote when I felt like my world was falling apart and there was nothing I could do to fix it. I didn't deserve help, but at the same time I felt his loving hand reach into my mess and put me back together.

Fight You

When all that I have is my head in my hands, But all that I want is your hands on my heart. Be near, be here When everything else in my world falls apart, And grace is just the tourniquet from which I'm to far. Please, find me.

Oh, how I fight you. But Oh, how you love me.

When everyone else in my world walks away, And I can't seem to see your light leading my way. Burn bright, in my night. I feel im going at this all on my own, Let the fire you once lit inside me be shown. Burn all, of my pride.

Oh, how I fight you. But Oh, how you love me.

When I forget how to trust start fighting your hand, You hold me even closer and whisper your plan. In my ear, make me hear. When all my mistakes leave me broken and marred, And love is your autograph burned on my heart. In blood, your precious love.

To listen to the song click here

What To Do With A Spotlight

in

I have a confession to make...I watched an awards show, the VMA's.... Yes, yes I know unforgivable! But in my defense first-it was a rerun and second-there is absolutely nothing good to watch on any of the 14,990,837 TV channels  at 11:00 o'clock at night-ALSO because of the nature of living in Hollywood it has been impossible NOT to hear the whirlwind of sound bites repeatedly and violently being shoved in my ears about EVERYTHING that happens in this crazy place. But In the midst of this avalanche of often unwanted information I usually tune out-I kept hearing a story that peaked my interest. It was of someone by the name of Justin being ridiculed for thanking Jesus. Hmmm.

So that's how I ended up in-front of the TV at close to the middle of the night, watching a rerun of a show that has seemed to do nothing but build the ego's of already pompous people and tear down good values in a fun and entertaining way. YAY! I watched as the first number began. Someone our geniration has come to know all to well took the stage, Lady Gaga. I watched, as honestly, she gave the performance of a lifetime. It was surprising, dynamic and as much as I hate to admit it, stunning. The performance to be quite honest was amazing, the performance being given by someone who actually regularly tells her concert goers to confess with their mouths that Satan is with us....wow....

As a Jesus guy myself, this is not my cup of, well-really anything. Aside from being a bit freaky, I so suddenly wished there was someone as talented and influential singing the RIGHT messages as loud as she is presenting the wrong ones (Keep reading you wont be disappointed).

I continued watching the spectacle. The night raced on with more lights, costumes and fan-pleasing performances by Kanye West and J-Z. Awards being given out by the most famous and important people, and then even more flashy and eye-catching performances from everybody from Beyoncé to a homage to Brittney Spears. As the loud, bright, and flashy continued, I steadily grew weary and increasingly sad. Sad at all of the glorification of blatant rebellion and lack of morals. I picked up the remote to turn off this depressing world to close my eyes, when something stopped me and kept me from giving up on pop culture as a whole.

There in the midst of all the noise, something really amazing happened. Kim Kardashian walked onto the stage and announced the winner for Best Male Video. Sixteen-year-old Justin Beiber stood up to accept the award. He, in his hip glasses and bright red pants, riding much too low for a reputable young man (close to mine when I was a 17-year-old boy), walks (not runs) to the stage. As he accepts the award, he turns to the crowd of self-important people, seemingly influential figures, controversial performers, rich big wigs, stars and names known all around the world, & as they all quiet down this young man steps to the mic, and says this,

"I just want to say thank you so much, not only to God but to Jesus, Because I wouldn't be here without him. He's really blessed me. He's put me in this position. So I want to say thank you so much.

Also, I want to say thank you to all the other nominees, They were amazing. I'm a true fan of all of them, so I want to share this award with all them. You guys are amazing."

Then, he walked off the stage. I sat back amazed. I don't know about you, but I thought this was beautiful. In this a sea of self-love I was watching amidst all the "I'd like to thank my agent's" and impersonal shout-outs to God, comes a young, fresh-faced, inexperienced, boy, who with the short time he is given on stage, recognizes, not just the undefined name of "God" but rather, he specifically gives Jesus the credit.

First, what a very brave thing to do. I can't imagine the kind of pressure to do and say things a certain way especially when you're young and fame and things of this world are so appealingly displayed.

Second-I don't know much about this young man. I know he is a flawed human who has made mistakes, but I think honestly it's amazing and inspiring that, in the middle of all that darkness, someone was willing to speak out in the arena that God had given him in the midst of unbelievable pressure, to give Jesus the credit.

Unfortunately, I was alone in my thinking. The day, after joke after joke, comment after comment, and jab after jab, spilled over the media outlets about how dumb this kid was because of a grammatical error. That would be enough to make me want to give up all together. And I don't know how it will be handled by him. But I think that this young man will be blessed by God in someway, because Jesus once said,

"Everyone who acknowledges me publicly here on earth, I will also acknowledge before my Father in heaven."

Matthew 10:32 NLT

Jesus blesses and uses those who recognize him. That is the point of this. Jesus doesn't bless and use us because we never make mistakes, or have perfect grammar (I would actually never be blessed if this were true, so I'm with you Justin if you reading this). But he just loves it simply when we turn everything we have back to him.

So this has inspired me to begin to recognize Jesus wherever God has put me, whether it's in the office, behind a computer or in front of a huge crowd. I figure if a 17-year-old heart-throb can do it in front of millions of people, I can do it to the arena God has given me. So here goes.

I give all the credit for everything I have been given, my amazing family, my incredible girlfriend, any kind of platform I have, and anything I will become to Jesus.

I hope that this might inspire you to recognize Jesus in the arena He has given you, whether it's a house and family, or a world stage, He WILL bless us when we look and point to Him.

To watch clip click here

To encourage this young man of faith click here

The Earth Shakes, The Hills Are On Fire. And It Is Still All Going To Be Okay.

in

I drove into Los Angeles exactly two years ago on this day. I remember there was fire leading my way, billows of smoke ushered me in. The feeling of the city was the same that echoed my life-It was the aroma of unrest and uncertainty. It seemed that very little was under control and as the fires burned OUT of control in my life and the hills of California-God WAS in control.

Two years later I sit here reflecting on what an amazing path God has led me on. And no it was not an easy one and I have my fair share of fires, ups and downs and uncertainty. To be honest I still have little under control. BUT I am beginning to learn He does.

So as I sit here writing this, Remembering the past two years. I should tell you what just happened-The earth shook, or quaked rather. And as I was sitting there at my desk (five minuets ago), A few things followed.

First, three people shouted "Earthquake" which despite being a very obvious observation helped me slower than I'd like to admit, come to the realisation that I was in the center of an earthquake. While the ground was still shaking I began to text loved ones. Then last but not least I started having a deep thought about life and God. All of this while people were yelling something at me. I still don't know what they said, but I'll get under a doorway in a second, first I would like to tell you what occurred to me.

I think one of the things that stuck me most (aside from my water bottle) was THE EARTH IS SHAKING.Tthat's amazing and very unsettling when you think about it, to have the very earth we stand on shake, brings up such feelings of unease and discomfort. But at the same time I am reminded that God is bigger!

The bible talks about when God setting the pillars of the earth with his mighty hands, and fire coming from heaven to welcome God's presence. That's amazing to think about to me.  That even in the entire city of Los Angeles could be shaking, yet it was God who set the pillars of the earth we live on in the first place. It reminds me that our hope is not in this earth not shaking, or the hills not burning. But rather our hope should be placed in God being in control OF the earth that is shaking, and the fires raging.

I find in my life, even when the earth isn't shaking or the city burning. My world very often looks and feels as if it is falling apart. Wether it's the disappointment of rejection, the fear of an unknown future, the uncertainty of love or your next pay check, the bitter sting of betrayal from a close friend, or maybe just loneliness. I think all of our worlds from time to time fall apart, all of our lives have natural disasters. That no matter how hard we try to control or fix, we can't.

But the amazing thing is our hope is not in a world that is falling apart but a God who holds us together. We have someone to look to that is so much bigger than our strength or any others we can rely on. We have a God while not always letting us know every detail of what's going on or what's going to happen, cares about us and is strong enough to hold us together and know help us through anything that may arise in our lives.

He can put broken families back together, heal hurt relationships, teach us to forgive what we never thought we could get past, and open doors we never thought we could break down.

So as I leave you and go run for cover remember this.

God loves, wants to lead you, you and is much much bigger and stronger than you can ever know. And everything actually WILL be okay.

Special is a good thing. Also very cliche, but good.

in

Your children, your friends, your coworkers even your family are all different. Just like me. VERY different. You might not know this, but I promise if you look behind you at your beautiful children playing on the floor you will see it.

Here look, I’ll show you

Child Number 1: Is building a well thought-out and smartly designed layout of New York with the blocks and foam rings you have so graciously provided for your kids. He is quiet and methodical, and you can see his little hands carefully putting each of the plastic toys in their well thought out place, one step closer to completing his masterpiece.

Child Number 2: Has just put a ring and  brick together named it baby Abby and now she is feeding the blocks with a stick that has seemed to turn into sustenance. In her little eyes you can see the caring as she gently takes care of and with gentle hands provides and cares for this imaginary creature, that she genuinely believes to be alive and need caring for.

Child Number 3: (me) Is throwing the blocks at child Number 1 and child Number 2. Oh, and is now come up with a war cry that involves the words “kill” and “lunch time” and has begun throwing the toys you so so graciously gave to him use constructively……At you.

Guess what…. This is beautiful. They all, are completely different, and all of them, are exactly who they are supposed to be. But unfortunately this is not what they will hear as they go from class to class and peer-to-peer. They will hear that they are not fitting in the right way. They’re not learning in they style they should. They will feel stupid when; they can’t spell chrysanthemum, or know how to find X and the square root or 67,910,998,189. I remember thinking that somehow there was something wrong with me, when my friends would talk about calculus after class, because to be honest I didn’t know if they we speaking in a unknown language, or maybe they had joined a cult that used insanely baffling sounding equations to confuse and destroy the ones like me.

But what I wasn’t told by this world/school/all of my peers, is that I wasn’t made to do math, or be a good speller. Not that those things are bad, and honestly the people who ARE good at them amaze me. But that’s not how I was made. I was made to love music and performing, to enjoy words, and not just grammar! I was made special. And so were you. I promise the person you’re sitting next to you, or the child playing with your kid right now, is both better and worse at different things. That’s beautiful.

We are all made beautifully and wonderfully and each of our individual strengths are made to compliment and help each other. We were made like this so we would need each other. Unfortunately we as humans seem to want to put people into a box, we earnestly desire for things to all fit into to what we deem as normal.

Well let me blow your mind right now. NONE of us are normal, BUT all of us are special. I know, very cliché, but true.

So what are we, today; going to do to realize that we are made special. AND how are we going to show those around us they are made beautifully and just the way they should be?