Follow My New Column "Cross & Culture" at Patheos Magazine

I am now regularly writing at my Patheos Magazine column Cross & Culture

Cross & Culture is a column where I write and explore the intersection of faith and creativity. It features think pieces about relevant cultural and artistic issues, interviews with influential artists/filmmakers/authors/actors of faith, and listicles of books, movies, music and more.

It covers subjects of film, music, video games, books, and so much more. If you are interested in following my thoughts about creativity and culture through a lens of faith, make sure to read and subscribe!

Acting from The Intellect

In both my acting training and spiritual life, I have felt the pressure from both the drama community and church culture to relate to my life primarily through my emotions. Emotions are a wonderful, God created thing! The only problem is, often both groups seem to imply that through emotions are the ONLY way to either be a good actor or a good Christian. I believe this to be an incomplete understanding of how God created us to work.

God gave us a heart where we were created to feel things, but he also gave us a minds to think things. And when we favor one over the other, in either acting or spirtual life, our performance will be out of balance and incomplete.

After years of studying so many acting methods that just told me to feel, i decided it was time to come up with a method that utilized both the mind and emotions. The book is called Acting From The Intellect, and while it is written as an acting method for actors looking for a more intellectual approach to the art form, you also might find some spiritual truths to apply to your spiritual life too.

Get the book here

- Nathan

Coaching for Creatives

I remember when I first stepped foot in Hollywood. I had big dreams of being an actor and playing the leading man roles, like Aragorn or Batman, that had inspired me growing up. But I pretty quickly realized I had no idea how to get from where I was to where I wanted to be. I felt so strongly about the “call” I felt in my heart from God to be a part making redemptive art, to write and act in inspiring stories. But when it came to the nitty gritty practical steps of how to take that dream and turn into reality, I was lost. 

So over the following few years, through trial and error, tragedy and triumph, I began to piece together an understanding of how to go about building my dreams into a reality. But it was hard won knowledge that as I look back makes me wish I had had more voices of wisdom guiding me along the way– voices who knew the ins and the outs of this industry. Voices who were able to provide practical advice about the ever present “what do I do now?” question. Voices who could help me avoid the potholes, know which door to choose, and how to open it. 

A few years back, as I pondered my early years as an actor, writer, filmmaker, and artist– I decided I would be that voice for those who, like me, had a dream in their hearts, but just needed some guidance in following it. So I became a certified Creative Coach and began coaching aspiring creatives wanting to figure out just how to go about supporting themselves with and creating a life around their calling… 

If you, or someone you know, (child, spouse, friend) feels that call to pursue a life in the creative arts but don’t know where to start or what next steps to take, please reach out to me here and consider if some coaching sessions might help you begin your journey.

The Roles We Play

As I’m writing this, I have just gotten back home to Los Angeles from New York City where I spent two weeks at the beginning of the year filming two different roles for two different TV shows (will share more soon). In one of the roles I played a bad-guy– the character was intimidating and violent, he was involved in organized crime, and made the world a darker place. The character I played after that was a good-guy (a rarity for me!) who did everything he could to help those in need and bring healing to the hurting. As I reflect on the two seemingly opposite characters I played, I am forced to think about what kind of character I play, not on screen, but in my real life. Am I a good-guy? Am I a bad-guy? How can I be sure? 

As I looked at each of these characters and where they ended up, I realized their roles were entirely determined by the choices they made. The decisions they enacted throughout their lives ultimately created the definitions of their identity, the roles of “good guy” or “bad guy” they would ultimately become. Choices matter, as they are the infinite pieces that have slowly built and created who we are and who we become. We aren’t born the hero or the villain, we become them one. choice. at. a. time…

In a couple months I’ll be releasing a small book project that details my personal acting method called Acting From The Intellect, in which I explore how to more fully understand and inhabit a character to better play them on screen. One of the ways us actors do this is by investigating the choices a character makes and look deeper into the “why” behind their decisions. When we do this for a character, we can understand and even begin to predict what choices they might make in any given situation. The choices that ultimately make them who they are. But this is a practice that is a valuable exercise (even for non-actors) for each of us to do individually for ourselves. We start by asking why we make the decisions we do and more importantly ask what kind of roles those choices are leading us to play. 

So why do you make the decisions you do? Are you making the choices of a hero or a villain or something else? What role are the decisions you’re making leading you to play? These are questions worthy of asking ourselves as we seek to live better stories. 

- Nathan

New

It’s a new year, can you feel it? All the possibilities, hopes, and endless potentialities that live in the clearing fog of an unknown future. It’s a wonderful time of year, looking forward with anticipation, but it can also bring stress and worry that nothing will change, or worse things will change in a bad way. And while the reality is there will be unforeseen hardships and sadness— a new day, month, year, offers us a moment to envision the potential for a more beautiful future and the impetus to get to work in building it.

This past year for me, and many others, was filled with great things— I moved to a new city, I made a movie, I put out a passion-project book, I traveled far and wide. But it was also a difficult year where I had to say goodbye to beloved friends, endure an almost year long strike, pinch pennies, and deal with the exhaustion of a hectic life following dreams. And knowing this, as I stand on the ledge of a new year, I am choosing to accept the truth that there will be hardships ahead, but I’m also holding on to the truth, that even within them, there is an opportunity for goodness and beauty if I choose to work hard to accept the inevitable difficulties, recognize the good, and be a part of creating a more beautiful world around me.

- Nathan

Choose to Celebrate

This past month on 11/11 my wife and I celebrated our anniversary. It’s been a long year with non-stop travels, cross-country moves, union strikes, working tirelessly in remote locations, running after dreams that seem so far off, and an endless list of tiring and often difficult moments. So when it came to the end of the year and our special day— honestly, we were tired, drained even. We didn’t entirely feel that we had it in us to do much more than order in, watch a movie, and go to sleep. But something deep down in our hearts, told us to push through the lethargic fog that life had brought on and make the choice to celebrate. So we did, even though we were weary and worn, we went and saw our favorite artist live in concert, then we took a road trip to a beautiful place we had never been before. We ate our favorite foods and drank our favorite drinks. We sang, laughed, feasted and celebrated. And somewhere in the midst of our celebration, we suddenly felt the weights of stress, anxiety, exhaustion, fears about the future and disappointments of the past, begin to trickle away as emotions of joy, peace, and new life took their places.

Life is a tiresome ordeal, for all of us. The stresses of life can leave us depleted and drained. And often the idea of celebration feels more like a chore than a reward. But God is a God of celebration, Heaven is described as a feast. He has designed us to find life and renewed minds and hearts through the act of taking time to recognize and revel in His beauty. And his beauty exists in his creation, in good food and drink, beautiful music, breathtaking views, and the laughs, smiles, and company of loved ones.

The world is a difficult place, it always has been. There’s a never ending list of things to be depressed, worried, anxious, and tired about. But, even though it can be hard, making the choice to celebrate, to see the his beauty all around us, will surely breathe new life and peace into our lives.

We are entering the “holiday season” a time built for celebration. I encourage you to join me in making the often hard choice to celebrate in this season.

Simple

As I was sitting down to write this. I began looking through this past month in effort to find interesting enough things that I’ve done to write about, but I quickly realized, I didn’t have any— I didn’t climb any mountains, or travel to a far off place, I didn’t eat a gourmet meal at a fancy place, I didn’t meet a famous person, or accomplish some great feat. But here’s what I did do— I finished a book that I had been reading for a couple months, I went on a couple dates to the movies with my wife, I ate some amazing home-cooked meals, I caught up with friends on phone calls, I binged a fun TV series, and I chipped away at my creative and writing projects. And while none of that is very instagram worthy, I loved all of it.

I think in this modern day we have begun to associate a valuable life with a big life. One filled with moments that would get lots of likes on social media. But for most of us, life is simple, but I think that maybe it’s supposed to be that way most of the time and there’s a heroic greatness to pursuing the small things in our lives with faithfulness.

I know so many who feel that their lives aren’t living up to some external standard they see reflected online or in the lives of others. But in reminding myself I hope I can remind you, that there is great beauty and deep value in the simple moments of our everyday lives.

Changing Seasons, New Chapters

Hello,

It’s that time again—the time when there’s a seismic shift not only in our lives as we go back to work or school, but in nature itself, as the full bloom of summer fades into the crisp and cloudy days of fall. I live in Los Angeles, so the changes are minimal here and leave me longing for a greater display of the season’s changing, instead of the minor tweaks to the external aesthetic in which I live, but I’ll take what I can get. And yesterday I reveled in a slightly melancholy sky, which had me reflecting on the reality and inevitability of “change,” not only in the physical reality around me, but my own life. 

I think many of us, myself included, have believed that life should look like one thing, expecting and hoping our “nows” to remain constant. But life changes and grows, often to our dismay. Like grasping at the wind, we long for constancy and secretly believe that’s how it should be. We want to stay young forever, for our children to not grow up, to never leave our home, to always be financially stable. And while some beautiful things are lifelong, most circumstances in life change outside of our control over them. As I gaze at nature and the system God has designed us to live in, the changing of seasons isn’t something that’s gone wrong, but a design element created by God for good. In both physical creation and our life circumstances, seasons are a good and beautiful thing that keeps us forever moving forward in the stories we are telling. God never intended for us to live our entire lives in one chapter, but instead to continue turning the page to discover what he’s written on the next page, in a new chapter. 

Change can be difficult. Recently, many changes have occurred in my life, many of them uncomfortable, leaving me with the uneasy task of facing the “unknown.” But I believe God is good and that venturing into the unknown, next chapter and season of my life will be a beautiful turn of the page that will usher me into the next part of the story He has for me to tell. I hope that whatever new season your life is ushering you towards, you can take comfort and find hope that great things await you in it, if only you take hold of the confidence in knowing that as long as you do it with God, you’ll never walk alone.  

- Nathan

Going Home

Hello,

In the past months I have gone home three times. But each home was entirely different…

I wen’t home to Colorado, the home where I grew up. I existed in the house that watched my coming-of-age story unfold. The place that holds the memories of family traditions who’s walls still echo with the laughter, conversations, and life that happened inside them to form me into the man I am today.

Then, I went home to The United Kingdom, the home of my ancestors, where I walked along the shores, in the fields, and through the very same streets my familial predecessors walked, never knowing who I was, but living their life so I could exist.

Then I went home to California, the home I am making. The home I have chosen to create a life in and the place where daily I tell my story inside. I returned to my small apartment where I’ll continue to write my books, audition for movies, and chase the dreams God has placed on my heart.

All this going home has gotten me thinking about the concept that lays in the hearts of every human. We all have an intrinsic longing for home, even those of us who have never experienced it in a positive way, still long to find a safe and life-giving place that tells us who we are, why we’re here, and where we’re headed. This desire for home is something that’s coded into our very humanity as if we were made to long for a “somewhere”. And while we can attribute this to only an earthly desire, I think perhaps there’s something more eternal that lays inside it. While I could go on and on about what I think that might be, I’ll leave you with a quote from C.S. Lewis who said it better than I ever could.

“If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

Until next time,

Nathan

Making Movies in the Wild West

Hello,

I just returned to the city from a month in the Wild West where I shot a new movie with some wonderfully talented people and my amazing real life love. This is a bigger and more brilliant movie than I’ve ever made before. It has romance and adventure, suspense and intrigue, and the kind of epic look and story I’ve always longed to live out and tell.

We spent days exploring the Rocky Mountains finding the perfect places to tell this story. We shot on sprawling ranches, in an actual turn if the century jail, historic Wild West towns, one hundred year old churches, and throughout the Rocky Mountain wilderness, all in effort to create and bring to life in a beautiful way a beautiful story. 

As we filmed on a remote ranch in the mountains, in between scenes, as I would gaze out over the natural beauty of the Colorado landscape, I kept finding myself pondering why we (humans) are so drawn epic, adventurous, romantic stories. I think the answer lays in the very beginning of scripture, where we watch as God begins to tell a wonderful and dramatic story. “In the beginning” kicks off the movie of the universe in which we were designed too long to be apart of the wonderful story he is telling. We are created to respond to and long for wonderful stories. Perhaps this is why Jesus told parables to share his Gospel. But God created us as story centered creatures, so when we watch movies or read books there’s something deep down that ignores our intrinsic and God given instinct too long for a great story. 

The movie is now going to the editing stage and will hopefully come out early or the middle of next year. And while it’s just a story, my hope is it will remind people of their desire to live a great story, a story that God created them to be a part of and tell with the lives they have been given. 

Until next time,

Nathan

New Beginnings

Hello,

If you have found yourself here, you are no doubt looking for some insight into just who I am beyond a website bio. I am attempting to be more regular in sharing updates, thoughts, and reflections from my personal journey here more often, so allow me to re-introduce myself.

My name is Nathan Clarkson I’m an actor, author, filmmaker, creative coach, and podcast philosopher.

I recently moved from New York City back to Los Angeles and in this regular blog I want to both share my personal thoughts on faith, art, culture, mental health, and more, as well as give you a behind the scenes look into my life as I make movies, go on set, write books, venture around the world, and attempt to discover and reveal a big and beautiful God through words, stories, thoughts, and pictures.

I have a desire to bring light to a dark world and hope you will join me on my journey and find these bits and pieces from my story an encouragement to yours.

Thank you for letting me take up some space in your inbox, I promise I’ll try and make it worth your while!

Until next time,

Nathan

The Problem with Hope

Your eyes open. Fresh light from a new sun breaks through your window and falls across your face. You breathe deeply and suddenly feel the possibility that lays in the coming hours, right outside your door. It’s a feeling of hope, a feeling of desire— one that pulls you out of bed and into the unknown, because maybe just maybe today will be your day, week, month, year. This feeling, this desire for something new and beautiful, even in the midst of an unknown future and chaotic world is woven deeply in the very heart of every human.

This feeling of hope, while universal, is also ludicrous. We live in a broken world full of unrealized dreams, broken hearts, and crushing monotony that makes hoping seem silly or even dangerous. One glance at the world around us or even the world inside us can often bring us to the depressing realization that maybe this hope is foolish. Yet still it remains. Hope lives in us even when we are given no evidence it has any use and often seems to only bring about painful disappointment and bitterness.

Throughout the ages deep thinkers, philosophers, theologians, and podcast hosts have grappled with this problem, trying to reconcile our desire for future goodness, with the reality of a continually broken world. Philosophers like Arthur Schopenhauer suggested the answer to this human problem is to rid yourself of desire, concluding that the source of pain lays in us wanting and being disappointed when those wants aren’t fulfilled. And perhaps he’s right, maybe we would be happier if we stopped hoping and desiring. But the problem is, thus far I’ve met no one, even the most bitter curmudgeon, who has been able to rid themselves of desire. 

Following this line of thought came the existential nihilists like Frederich Nietzsche, who postulated that rather than getting rid of our desire we should simply accept with stalwart resolve the depressing reality of existence being meaningless and simply set our minds to becoming stronger so we may withstand the crushing weight of a purposeless life. 

Then we arrive in modernity where a new solution to the problem of hope has been found and is practiced ad nauseam. It takes bits and pieces from many old philosophies but blends them together in an entirely unique way resulting in a modern philosophy I call existential-distractinism where to deal with our deep and unrealized human desires we simply distract ourselves. Using social media, TV-shows, constant work, self-help novels, political activism, fast food, and overworking as ways to deflect our deeper longings we dare not slow down long enough to acknowledge lest all our depression, fears, hurt, sadness, and hopelessness catch up with us. And this has worked for a while, but I’m starting to notice loose threads in its longevity. Constant distraction takes work and effort, and we are growing weary from running. One can only live with unsatiated hunger so long before keeling over from fatigue. This reality is evidenced by multiple studies showing that even in a world with more comfort, entertainment, connection, technology, food, money, and information, depression and suicide continue rise each passing year. 

So here we are, hundreds of years of philosophy and advancement in every way and  yet no closer to dealing with this nagging desire and hope it seems we’ve been plagued with. So what are we to do? The best minds and great technological achievements haven’t helped at either filling our desire nor getting rid of it. Are we to continue to live with this unbearable ache for which there’s no cure?

Maybe… or maybe we were actually meant, intended to have this longing. Maybe it’s not a bug, but actually a design feature, programmed in us bu an intelligent designer who endowed us with want so we could be actually filled. 

The great 20th century theologian, novelist, and philosopher C.S. Lewis had another idea about what to do with the desire and what it might be trying to tell us. In his famous book Mere Christianity he wrote this: 

“If I find in myself a desire which no experience in this world can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that I was made for another world.” 

These words are so startlingly simple, but maybe just maybe in them is the answer to the age long question. Maybe we were made to desire, and our problem isn’t us desiring too much, but instead, too little. Perhaps the want was meant to be there, and perhaps it is the one thing that will draw us into another world where all this longing will finally be fulfilled. This this way of looking at life and human desire is nothing new, it’s the one that a few souls have captured and held onto for dear life since the beginning of recorded history. And it’s the one that even on my dark days in a broken world gets me up in the morning.

Yes I know this sounds too good to be true— there being answer to all our long held hopes. Especially when it’s found in an unseen realm created by a frustratingly hard to see God. I get that, I really do. Perhaps I’m a fool for believing that I (all of us) matter and there’s an answer to this seemingly unquenchable longing. But regardless of whether it’s true or not, simply believing it has changed my life and allows me to live each and every one of my days with an eternal perspective that gives me hope foe the future and strength for the present. 

Maybe my belief is wrong. Maybe it’s just a nice dream to believe and there ultimately is no answer to all our our longings, hopes, and desires. But ask yourself, why do we have this want built into us to begin with could this desire for more possibly be telling us something true about reality and ourselves?

I, for one, believe it is…

Breakup Letter to Last Year

Dear Last Year,

Our relationship has been a learning experience and this will be a bittersweet goodbye. 

Thinking back to when we first met, I realized something about myself. Like all of my past relationships, caught up in the emotion of a new love, I fantasized about you before I knew you. I created an idyllic vision of you in my mind that wasn’t based on reality but instead of what I desired you to be. I tried to create you in my own image. I tried to control and shape you into what I wished you to be. And there in the childlike hope and expectation based not on who you are, but what I wanted you to be, I bound myself to certain disappointment. It was not your fault but mine. It’s not you it’s me.

I should tell you, I’m seeing a new year now. And I hope you’ll take some solace in the fact that my time spent with you, while difficult, was beneficial and helpful to me becoming a better man. It was a time of learning and growth and will help me to not place unrealistic expectations on my new suitor so that maybe, with this new year, I can have a healthier and more whole relationship than the one we shared. 

So, with both angst and joy I bid you farewell. I will always remember the time we spent together. And though our relationship was difficult there was also beauty. We’ll always have January. 

With love,

Nathan

The Serious Work of Imagination

Close your eyes, let your mind wander back to when you were just a kid, outside and starring into the beautiful universe. Can you feel the wind on your face? Can you see the clouds forming castles above you? Can you smell the grass and the woods? Can feel the stick clutched in your hand like a sword? Can you feel the possibility that the world a life hold?

Upon opening your eyes you might now be faced with a gray and less colorful world, one filled with tedious tasks, stressful responsibilities, financial worries, unrealized dreams, past regrets, or an endless onslaught of tiring and even painful events around you.

What happened? When did we go from seeing the world as wonder-filled and hopeful to merely a set of days to struggle through?

Recently I’ve been reflecting on imagination. What it is, why we were given the ability to use it, and why we let it go. We live in a broken world, a world with a fracture at its center, as children we aren’t as aware of the cracks around us, all we can see is beauty and possibility, but as we grow up and we begin to deal with the chaos of real life, we suddenly, over the course of a few years find ourselves beaten down and tired. We let go of the wonder in exchange for the confining but walls of predictability. But even when we do, there still lies deep down inside of us the desire to, like when we were kids, dream again.

My childhood was one of beauty. I was given a childhood where imagination was not only allowed but encouraged. My young thoughts, dreams, and wonders weren’t seen as childish whims but instead the acts of a child living into the design and image I was made in. My family believed imagination as a child was integral to my development and one of the most important aspects of me becoming the adult I was made to be. You see, when I was pretending to be the hero of the story, I was actually training my mind to envision myself as someone who does right and lives with purpose. When I imagined myself slaying the monsters I was envisioning myself as someone who could overcome whatever difficulty life might throw at me. My imagination as a child prepared me to see and live life in a more beautiful, full, and triumphant way.

Unfortunately we now live in a world where imagination is seen as a childish quality to get rid of with age as it has no use in the lines, boundaries, and methods modernity forces upon us. We throw screens at kids to quiet their youthful energy, we grade them with strict tests so they don’t think outside the box, and we discipline them when they don’t conform to the predetermined expectations of a tepid culture. In doing so we have created a generation of depressed adults preforming their tasks while dreaming of a life that is so much bigger, a life we could imagine when our eyes were young and fully of wonder.

So I had to ask myself, what if somewhere along the way we lost something intrinsic to who we are, an imagination that was supposed to be a part of our entire human experience. What if we have been losing something that was actually given to us by God, something when we engage with we act in the very image of our creator.

God was the first imaginer. When there was a dark, formless void, He imagined into being a grand and endless universe, He imagined a beautiful world filled with wonder and awe, He imagined you. He imagined you.

When we imagine we are acting in the very image of God. Imagination isn’t something to be discarded, but instead embraced and used to envision ourselves, are situations, and the world around us in a more beautiful way.

Recently I wrote a children’s book called The Clubhouse it’s a love-letter to imagination and my childhood filled with wonder. On every page a boy and girl imagine their clubhouse to be something even more wondrous that before. There are dragons, spaceships, castles, and ships, each filled with a thousand details to look at for years. I wrote it in hopes it will inspire you and your kids to imagine more and better. I hope you love it. I hope with this book you will rediscover the power of imagination.

Why I Wrote a Book Called "Good Man"

I wrote a book called Good Man, it explores in the most honest way I could muster what a good man is and who men were actually created to be.

It was a daunting task approaching a book with a title like “good man” knowing how short I fall from that title on a daily basis. But still I felt it a book that must be written. Now more than ever.

So as I began the book I did my best to think back to, connect with, and spend time around men who I truly believed to be good. And from them I learned so much, their honesty, character, and godly example informed so many of my words and observations.

But In the interest of honesty, there is another group of men I must thank for the inspiration of this work. They stand in stark contrast to the good men I try to emulate, and I sometimes wonder if they have inspired me to become the man I have in a completely different and perhaps more measurable way.

I want to thank the weak, disappointing, bad men. I want to thank the men who I saw take advantage of the vulnerable, find pride in empty pursuits, waste time and resources on shallow pleasure, and abuse their authority and power for selfish ends. I want to thank the men who lie, cheat, steal, and con their way through life. I want to thank the violent, angry, ignorant men who give us all a bad name. For without you, without your example of what a small life really looks like, I don’t know if I ever would have found the impetus to be more.

Because of your choices, I have now seen on tv, in the news, and in my own life so clearly the devastating consequences of your actions, the destruction of your own and others worlds, and the sad small lives you live. It has helped me know who I want to be by seeing so clearly who I do not want to be.

So thank you to all the weak men who made it so clear to me that I wanted, no needed, to try everything on my power to become a good one.

I will always owe you, but don’t worry, you’ll get what you deserve.

May we each, no matter who we’ve been, or what we’ve done, choose to take this journey to discovering who we were created to be… The journey to becoming a Good Man

Order Now: https://tinyurl.com/uonvfxj

Eloping on a Rooftop in New York City

Just a little while ago, accompanied four dear people, I climbed to the top of a New York building on the Upper West side, knowing when I left that place my life would be forever changed.

There looking out over the grand city coated in soft yellow light, standing across from my beautiful Fiancé dressed in white while soft wind blew her dark wavy hair, I made vows in front of friends, the city, and God.

I made vows to love, serve, unconditionally commit, protect, and live my life with the woman before me.

In a world that sees love as something silly, old fashioned, or unrealistic, I stood in the face of what modernity has made it and listened to what my Creator told me it was meant to be.

In the world around us modern culture as diluted relationships into sad and hollow affairs, things to be gained through swiping on a phone and discarded after cheap and inhuman interactions. The world has told us that commitment is silly and we should seek only to be happy and to discard people if we don’t get what we want. The world’s love has grown cold and lifeless, leaving more wounds and damage than the life-giving, life-long, life-affirming thing God created it to be.

My beautiful fFancé (now wife) came together, each with great wounds, imperfections, and insecurities, and asked God to enter in to our broken humanity and through our promises to each other find the beautiful redemption God has hidden inside deep, committed, and real love.

Keelia is more loving, long suffering, inviting, interesting, godly, humble, fun, and beautiful than I ever imagined I could find in a partner, and her willingness to accept and commit to me with all my baggage is a testament to the redeeming love God offers.

So, yes we eloped, on a roof, surrounded by friends and God, and it was insanely romantic, intimate, and movie like (I mean of course). But more than that, it was a statement of belief that true and beautiful love does exist, it’s worth fighting for, and when committed to, life-changing.

-Nathan

Back in La La Land

I am officially back in La La Land. 

Two years ago I left Los Angeles after the most difficult and heartbreaking time of my life, headed to New York City to start anew, thinking I would never again return to this city.

But here I am.

The picture above is my view from my new apartment looking out over the glistening lights Hollywood. If you're still for a moment, you can almost feel the desperation and longing pulsing throughout the smog filled sky coming from each soul who has come here looking for more. The same desire that brought me here all those ago.

And the truth is I came back to this city with a longing on my heart, but it's different than the one that first brought me here. 

When I was a young man with stars in my eyes, I made my way to Hollywood with dreams of fame and fortune. But now there's a different dream, a more realistic one-- to change the world.

For as long as I can remember I have loved stories. I love them so much I have dedicated my life to them. I believe stories are powerful and have the power to touch hearts, inspire minds, and ultimately change the world. Jesus changed the entire world through walking through a dusty town telling stories, God gave us his word in the form of story. Which leads me to believe that there's something woven into our very humanity to respond and discover truth through... Stories.

In this modern age the way we tell, pass on, and engage with stories is in large part through TV and film. So in following the dream God put on my heart to do what I love and touch the world I knew I must be apart of the place that is telling today's stories. The one creating, producing, and ultimately bringing to life the stories that have the power to shape this world for the better.

So here I am, unsure of what's next but confident that in following the dream and passions God put on my heart, he will us MY story to make this world a more beautiful place-- should I only trust God and the dreams he's placed on my heart.

So, here I am back in a city I never thought I'd be back in, not only chasing a dream to be apart of the stories (films, TV, etc...) but to live a story, one that if only a small way can help others discover the beautiful story they were meant to live through experiencing stories that show that truth in a beautiful way.

Well, that's it, I've used the word "story" far too much for any one post. But I'll use it just a couple more times as I leave you with this.

God, our creator has created you for a story, a beautiful and epic one that can change the world. That might be in Hollywood or that might be in nowhere town USA, but wherever it is. Listen to the dreams and passions God has placed on your heart.

Go tell a beautiful story and change the world.

-Nathan

Are We The Good Guys, Are They The Bad Guys?

We have been conditioned to see the world a certain way. From the time we are young we learn from books, movies, and even our families, that in the world there are "good" guys and "bad" guys-- That there are people who are wholly bad, and wholly good. And every time we see another movie where the protagonist wins and kills the antagonist in the end, we cheer, because the bad guy was only that, bad.

It seems this idea has seeped into our culture and the labels of "good" and "bad" are now not just for fictional characters, but are being applied to real live people. Scroll through your Facebook feed and you will see very clearly who people think are the good guys, and who people think are the bad guys.

For the atheists it's the religious, for the religious it's the sinners, for the powerful it's the politicians, for the politicians it's the poor. And the list goes on each of us constructing in our mind who the good guys and bad guys of the world are.

Sometimes I wish I could see things as clearly as it seems everyone else in society and modern-day culture does. I wish I could take a side, and easily identify the good guys and the bad guys. But I can't, all I see is people; messy, complicated, people. Who like me, have a good and beautiful sites to them, and dark and twisted sides to them. All of which make up the whole of who we are. 

But maybe that's a good thing. Maybe even though it's difficult sometimes, and confusing. We were never meant to see people as a monolith, we were never meant to see a person as all good or all bad. Instead we are supposed to acknowledge our fallen and broken nature, while remembering that beauty that lives inside of all.

Identify Me: Thoughts on How We Label Ourselves and Others

From the day we come out of the womb and into this world we begin a lifelong search of finding ourselves.

In our toddler years, we learn identity defining statements like “NO” “I can do it by myself” and “Why?”

Later in our adolescence we try out new styles, hairdos, and music. We find groups and “cliques” to fit into in effort to define ourselves and craft an identity that will tell us who we truly are.

As we grow older, we learn to define ourselves with more refined and important labels, like “black” “white” “man” “woman” “rich” “poor” etc…

We do all of this in effort to define the identity we were created looking for. We do it to find a place where we belong and to find a way to connect to the world around us.

But so often even with the best of intentions, these “labels” we place upon ourselves and others to feel connected, in reality bring more division than unity.

We need only to take a look around the world, or a scroll through Facebook to see that these identities, while perhaps given us a certain comfort, have also created animosity from those who don’t fall under our labels.

We see conservatives against liberals, white against black, men against women. And what started out as a basic human need for identity has turned into a world divided against itself, threatening to, as it always throughout history has, become a fight for which identity will win, leaving in its wake hate, violence, bitterness, division, and rage.

So what can we do? How can we connect and try to rectify the world around us when our identities and labels are so different?

It strikes me that while each of these “truths” and identities about us may be accurate, they aren’t the TRUEST things about us.

If you, like I, believe in a creator-- especially one that decided to create us all in His image, you suddenly find an identity about yourself that rises above all the usual worldly identifiers like race, sex, sexual orientation, social status, etc..

If we believe that we are created by a loving God-- suddenly we realize that we are ALL apart of this identity that says, no matter who you are, where you're from, what color you are, what gender you identify as, or how much money you have, you are first and foremost designed in the image of a loving Creator, as is everyone else in the world around you.

When we understand this universal truth about us all being created in God’s image, suddenly the less important identifiers that used to divide us disappear, and the greatest label we could ever wear connects us all.

So what identity will you allow to be the TRUEST about you? One that divides and separates you from others? Or the one that helps you realize we are all created in the image of the Divine?

I'm Different

I’m different.

This is something I have known for as long as I can remember. You see, I was the kid who just couldn’t sit still and focus. My fingers were always tapping on something while my mind changed thoughts like channels. I was the kid who just couldn’t shut-up; my constant refrain of “why” often led to getting in trouble and sometimes yelled at by teachers.

I was the kid who would wear bright colors and burst out singing, making me an easy target for bullying. I was the kid who would look around a classroom and realize I was the only one who didn’t understand the math problem.

I was the kid who hoped the screamo music I listened to would drown out the barrage of unwanted thoughts that would burst into my head, thoughts that made me wash my hands so much and so hard they would start to bleed. I was the kid who no matter how hard I shut my eyes and tried to sleep couldn’t keep dark and twisted thoughts from flying through my mind. I was the kid who tried as hard as I could to fit in, but no matter what I did always found myself on the outs.

I was the kid who was different.

All of these “Differences” added up to the feeling that I was truly alone. It was like there was the whole world and then there was me. I wanted to be normal, I wanted to be like everyone else who seemed to have it all together. But as I continued to struggle with OCD, depression, anxiety, learning disabilities, an abnormal personality, and an assortment of other similar challenges, all I kept seeing was an ever widening separation between “normal” and me.

What I didn’t know then is that everyone feels like this in various moments of life. All of us have disruptions in our lives that make us feel “different.” For me it was coming to grips with learning disabilities and mental-illness; for you, maybe it’s addiction, abuse, a broken family, sexual identity, anxiety, or a plethora of other things. These issues can make us feel so broken, dumb, or bad, that the end of the day we will feel like we are alone, on the outside, and irreconcilablydifferent.

Often, when those feelings would overwhelm me, trusted people in my life would encourage me to open my Bible. I fought it for the longest time, wondering what good it could possibly accomplish in the face of such a daunting struggle.

When I finally did, I found myself continually surprised. I had always thought that God used a certain kind of person, one who fits the mold of a “good Christian;” however, as I turned through the pages of the Good Book, I found the exact opposite. I found story after story of broken, crazy, sinful, doubting, struggling outcasts who God decided to use instead of perfect people. And more often than not, it wasn’t in spite of their differences but because of them that God used those people.

   •     Peter couldn’t stop talking; Jesus used his gift of gab to spread his truth across the world.

   •     Paul was a nerdy know-it-all; God used him to teach truth to millions.

   •     Mary was a simple virgin; God used her humility to bear the Savior into the world.

   •     Rahab was amorous; God used her charm to protect an entire nation.

   •     John The Baptist was crazed and ate bugs; God used his attention-grabbing personality to proclaim Christ’s arrival.

I could go on and on. What I’m struck with in each of these stories is how it’s the “different” part in the lives of each of these heroes that God used.

While it’s been a long and challenging journey, I can look at my life now and see how all the“different” things in my life with which I used to struggle have become the things that have enabled me to tell my unique story. My unbridled energy gives me the ability to keep going with others grow weary; my chaotic mind gives me the capacity to come up with creative ideas; my obsessive thoughts help remind me that life can be lived in a thoughtful and intentional way.

Whatever it is in our lives that make us feel different will often be the way that God will most powerfully work through us. Being “different” isn’t easy, and it can sometimes be a lonely path, but those differences are often the conduits through which God will tell our unique stories. God can use us not just in spite of our differences but because of them.

What are the things in your life that make you feel “different?” How do you think God might be able to use them to tell a story only you were made to tell?

Check out my story of how God told a beautiful story with my life, not in-spite of, but because of the differences I have. 

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